I met with my Wives on Duty group this week. It's a group for LEO wives where we support each other and talk... with others who know what LEO life is like. No other group of women have been more like me and I really enjoy going. This week I shared a story about my son being gone on a field trip. They all listened and said they would pray for me, (I get that a lot). If you are a mother of a boy, you understand. Anyway, all of the others are Mom to young kids, I am the only Mom of teens/tweens. Therefore, I always get the comment, "You should take notes, you should write a book, I'm going to be there in a few years and I could use it.." so here we go. I will title these posts either Taking Notes on Boys or Taking Notes on Girls, depending on who I'm taking notes on. I hope it will be a collection of helpful advice for others and a chance for me to read these notes and gain perspective later on. Usually, situations are not as bad as they seem in the moment.
So for my first note... Go with your gut. This week my son went on a field trip with his 8th grade class. It was a 3 day, 2 night field trip. I hesitated briefly when deciding whether he could go. One, the trip was $340. Two, he was going to be gone 3 days. Three, I could not go along because I didn't want to!!! So, I reasoned with myself that it would be ok for him to go and it was a "reward" for successful completion of middle school, an accomplishment we often times wondered about happening. School is a struggle for some kids, you know. I originally thought I would not allow him to take his phone because I didn't want him to get homesick and try to call me to come pick him up, 5 hours away. That wasn't happening. He said he wanted to take his phone so he could call me at night and we could talk. Now, what Mama doesn't melt at the thought that her "little" boy wants to hear her voice at night before he goes to bed. So, off he went even though I had my doubts.
Three hours into the field trip, I got a call from the principal at the school that my son was making prank calls. And that if he didn't stop he would be disciplined upon return to the school . Talk about panic!!!! I did and proceeded to call my son to get to the bottom of the situation.... and he didn't answer his phone. So much for needing to hear his mom's sweet voice. I finally did get him and he had actually called the wrong number by accident, four times, and didn't intentionally prank anyone. He was trying to call a friend and misdialed one number. Either way, I was a nervous wreck that somehow he would find himself in more trouble while on the trip, intentional or not.
There lies the hardest part of parenting a teen, or any child for that matter. It's a mother's natural instinct to protect her baby at all costs. No matter their age, you want to protect them from harm and often that means you are inclined to protect them from consequences also. That doesn't work. I am slowly learning this. Even if he had been prank calling, that was his choice, and he deserved to bear the consequence of that. I am realizing that I have a little over 4 years to train my son to think like, act like, and be an adult. I really do not want him to act like a 14 year old forever, so if that means he has to feel some pain from a consequence, so be it. I am holding him back from growing into who he needs to be by trying to protect him. It's a huge shift in parenting and it comes so fast that Mom's often aren't prepared for it and they resist it. Sometimes I think we are so pressured into being "in the moment" with our families that we don't think ahead to what's coming. It's wonderful to enjoy the stage you are in with parenting your kids, however, a smart Mom can do that while planning for the future at the same time. Again, I'm learning here. Reactive parenting is no good, it doesn't allow you to think about the best response. It means you have to make a snap decision and usually it's not the right one.
Learn this lesson: If it's your gut feeling to not allow your son to take his phone on a field trip, don't let him take it. If he needs you, there are teachers and other adults on the trip who will have a phone he can use. If he takes his phone, then he accepts the responsibility of having it and will bear the consequence if he chooses to misuse it. And that's ok... that's how the real world works.
I'm preaching to myself here, thanks for listening......
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