Un-Invincible

This is a LEO wife post... I do them to help me process what this LEO life is all about. I do them in hopes that maybe someone out in the world will read it and see a side of law enforcement that they had not ever thought about before.  I do them because I want to shine a positive light on officers, their sacrifice and their service. But often I find myself in a situation I can't understand or that is so surreal that it feels like our lives are on a movie screen, with actors all around, and costumes and makeup. You see when my LEO gets into uniform he almost transforms before my eyes into the hero of the movie. He doesn't ask me to see him this way, and to be honest probably wishes I wouldn't. But I do. I see him become the problem solver, the shift manager, the go to guy when you have a question, the leader of the pack, the "brother in blue". They call him "Sarge" and say "I Love You, mean it" all the time. He becomes the one looking out for the others, the one who will back you up, help you out, talk you down, lift you up. It's like the shiny gold badge makes me feel that he's invincible, and he wears the makeup of strength, calm, control. But it's just a mask really, a defense mechanism that protects him from feeling too much when the calls get rough, when his eyes see things he can't even describe to me. Wearing that mask keeps others from seeing the fear, shock, and horror that come when he regularly responds to things people in this evil world can do to each other.
Thankfully, the 10-42 comes and the shift is over, the uniform is off, the mask laid down (sometimes and sort of), and the real man comes out. The part of him who's a husband, a father, and brother and friend. He still manages the shift because really he's never off duty. He's the one they call when there's something to celebrate, something to talk over, some advice to give. Sometimes there's the calls that come late at night when one of his "brothers" is in need. He will give anything to any of them, anytime. I know it and they know it. It's when I am watching this that I realize that each one of them is just a man, a human trying to do a super human job, trying to maintain a façade of having it all together when inside they may be falling apart. They have problems... family problems, marriage problems, money issues, children to raise, the list can go on and on. And then comes the fact that they are un-invincible...imperfect, mistake making, regular people. Sometimes the mistakes are huge, shake you to your core mistakes, the ones that turn your life upside down, the ones that make you ache for the man who made them. Sometimes they aren't and you can learn from them and move on. Either way, it's the times when you see someone at their rock bottom and when the tears stream down your face for your "brother", that the LEO life in uniform and the LEO life out of uniform can be equally heartbreaking, stressful, and difficult. It's not a movie, it's real life, hard real life. I'm trying to remember my LEO is not a hero just because of what he wears. There are times he does a heroic thing, yes, and that's wonderful. But I am changing my perspective to what's more accurate... my LEO's just a man...that I love with all my heart.


~Tara